Ceremony 1
There are 7.7 billion people in the world and most of them are not here at this wedding. How special does that make you? Out of the billions of people living on the planet earth _________ and _________ have asked you to join them as they enter into the amazing institution of marriage.
So, the least you can do is put your phone on silent, ok?
Finding “the one” out of all the people in the entire world should be impossible! But __________ and __________ found each other! What are the chances? I don’t know – I’m not great at math – but it’s seems pretty unlikely. Yet, here they are, in front of their friends and family making the impossible seem not only possible, but inevitable.
Was it destiny? Happenstance? Total dumb luck? Who cares? The important thing is it’s happening! _________ and _________ are getting married. Today! Right now! No, really. Right now!
DECLARATION OF INTENT
Do you _________, take _________ to be “the one”? The one you not only give love, respect and compassion to, but also allow yourself to receive the same from?
_________: I do
And do you, _________, take _________ to be “the one”? The one you not only give love, respect and compassion to, but also allow yourself to receive the same from?
_________: I do
VOW/RING EXCHANGE
OFFICIANT (to congregation):
May I please have the two rings?
This is a ring, and this is a ring. 1 + 1 = 2, right? But these two individual rings are a grand symbol of the final numbers we’re considering on this very special day. 2 separate rings create the very special bond of husband/wife/partner and husband/wife/partner, a married couple. So, in this case 1 + 1 = an even greater 1….Like I said I’m not that great at math.
(Couple may now exchange written vows)
THE PRONOUNCEMENT
OFFICIANT (to couple):
Looking at the two of you, I can see it clearly; my impossible math works! 1 + 1 truly does equal an even greater one; that of an officially married couple. And so, I am extremely honored to officially pronounce _________ and _________ legally wed.
That’s it, you did it, you’re married! You may now, for all the world to see, kiss your first l kiss as newlyweds!
CLOSING STATEMENT
OFFICIANT (to couple):
There will be good days and there will be bad. I wish you so many more good than bad. But on days both good and bad I want you to remember how lucky you both are to have beaten the odds and found one another. Let that make the bad days less bad and the good days that much sweeter.
Ceremony 2
Ladies and gents, we’re here today because _________ and _________ have said to one another, “Honey, I love you so much I’ve just gotta get the government involved!”
Seriously, though. Thank you all so much for joining us. (_________ and _________) have asked that this be a fun ceremony, so we’re here to have a good time these next few minutes while we get this hitching done, then we’ll all have even more fun when we get to the reception. This thing isn’t gonna start itself, so let’s get to it!
Speech/Sermon/Introduction
We hold marriage up as a tradition in this country, and we’ve debated over it a lot in the last few decades, but at the end of the day, why do we do it? I made the joke in the intro about loving each other so much we’re going to get the government involved, but is that all it really is? Of course not! It’s a tradition, yes, but we change traditions all the time, and we keep the essence of those traditions alive in their new forms. So nowadays marriage isn’t what it used to be when Ralph Kramden promised to knock his loving wife Alice “straight to the moon!” night after night in the fifties - _________ you’re definitely not allowed to do that. At all. And neither are you, _________. Nobody is allowed to knock anybody straight to the moon, no matter how hairy things get.
Ahh… There it is. The crux of why we do this marriage thing. Sure, it’s a lot of work. Sure it takes a lot of compromise. But at the end of the day, when you’re married, you’ve got someone to come home to. You’ve got someone who’s promised to love you no matter how smelly your socks get, or no matter how bad your mood is, or no matter what the universe decided to drop on your head this week. And you’ve got someone to have spaghetti fights in the kitchen with. Someone to laugh at the same silly inside jokes with. After a while, you’ll find you’ve even got someone you share a little inside language with.
We do marriage because it helps to have someone around to walk through life with.
_________, _________, your marriage will be built on a foundation of love and trust, and that’s the best shot any of us can give it. You’ll need to depend on that foundation of trust and of love throughout your marriage. You’ll need to be more patient than you’ve ever had to be before. You’ll experience higher highs, and lower lows than ever before, but now you’ll be in it together - for good.
With that in mind, let’s check some legal boxes, shall we?
Declaration of Intent
_________ Do you take _________ to be your lawfully wedded husband/wife/partner, to love and comfort him/her/them for better or worse, in sickness and health, and reap any and all tax benefits for as long as you both shall live?
_________: I do.
_________ Do you take _________ to be your lawfully wedded husband/wife/partner, to love and comfort him/her/them for better or worse, in sickness and health, and reap any and all tax benefits for as long as you both shall live?
_________: I do.
Vow/Ring Exchange
(At this point the couple may exchange vows if they’ve written their own, or, if not the following may be substituted)
Okay, _________, now it’s time to put a ring on it. Repeat after me, please. _________ I give you this ring as a symbol that I will love you, honor you, cherish you, and that I’ll let you have the remote every once in a while, and I’ll try to clean up after myself.
Alright, _________, it’s your turn. Repeat after me, please. _________, I give you this ring as a symbol that I will love you, honor you, cherish you, and that I’ll try not to nag you about spending too much time with the guys/gals, and I may even make you dinner once in a while.
Pronouncement
Well, after that touching exchange, I guess there’s only one thing left to do, and that’s for me to do my part! By the power vested in me by the state of Connecticut, I now pronounce you husband/wife/partner and husband/wife/partner!
(Awkward pause)
Well, go on, kiss him/her/them!
(Congregation applauds)
OFFICIANT (to congregation):
Ladies and gents, it gives me great pleasure to present to you Mr./Mrs. And Mr./Mrs. ____________!